We are all liberal here …..

I am engaged to a so-called ‘liberal’. He is a really nice guy, but that’s about it. While he is in no doubt head over heels devoted to me, at times it makes me feel completely smothered. I want to go out and do things. I want to be somebody. He just wants ‘me to be with him’. He showers me with love, and my love life seems like a flawless masterpiece that dropped jaws. Anyway, I am a journalist with a top media house, and it’s my job to be in the business community, glad handing with people in after hours functions. I could not get enough of it. I am new to the community, and I am invited to everything under the sun. I am given community titles, and responsibilities. He too has a fairly decent job (a boring recruitment agency) but fails to understand the way media works.

Since the beginning, I have sensed a string of discomfort when we spoke about my job and other media personals. The threads strained further when I had to go to Delhi (my head office) to meet my team and have a close interaction with my editor. I saw it as a good opportunity to not just interact with my team but also a good time to have a break from work and meet clients in Delhi. I expressed these thoughts to him but he some how did not seem to be convinced with the whole idea of me going out of the city (alone). We had endless arguments for almost a week before is left and I, also tried to cancel my trip. However, it was too late and I could not back out.

Then the next instance happened a few days back. When I had to attend an official even and also cover it for the coming issue. I had asked him to join me but he was not interested and turned down my invitation. In the beginning all sounded good, but as the night set its first foot towards midnight my phone was set to fire with frantic calls from him. We had along SMS conversations, which were not too pleasant to share but evident on my face. My whole team realized that I was feeling embarrassed and something unpleasant had happened.

After this incident, I do not know how to react. The so-called liberal thinking has vanished in thin air and all I can see is a person who just claims to be one. I sometimes wonder is he the same person I shared a drink with or bumped a few fags from? Well that’s a different story that I don’t do the same now (although I wish I could) but never mind as I know it’s for my good if I don’t indulge in such bad habits. However, the point here is the level of compatibility and openness I miss that.

He is my only friend and I talk my heart out but off late these incidents remind me of the invisible wall between us and I prefer to keep my mouth shut. I have always been an outspoken person, at times I have spoken things that might not be pleasant but true. However, now I feel I must not do it, be it anyone, I must keep my feelings to myself. As the liberal society I live in does not accept it. They think I am an alien from Mars and live in a different world (I wish I were…) and so does he.

Well I think it’s just the beginning and probably the first side effect of getting married. There’s a lot to come my way and I hope I successfully transform myself into a super – tolerant women like most women are in this liberal society I live in.