Pursuit of happiness

Searching for some giggles in dark shadows Searching for some love in the lost meadows I remember the last time I saw a little glimpse of it But it got lost and now I can’t find it The twinkling eyes decorated with a smile would steal my heart...And the sparkling face would give me a start, Now I just pray that my quest gets over soon and I see the full moon......

my space and share of peace

I have always sulked about going to work on a Saturdays one of the main reasons for this is that most of my train friends have a five day week and are enjoying their weekend while I rush to work.... and of course Rahul too has an off and it gets even difficult in case of an extended weekend (this year we've had more than four extended weekends all thanks to the long list of national holidays!)

I always consoled myself thinking Saturdays are not too bad as I get a window seat in the train and don't have to travel in a cramped compartment.... but Bharti and Akshata were never convinced they kept on nagging on the fact that I went to work while they enjoyed their weekend (bitch!)...

So what do I do on Saturdays....... well some times Darshna keeps me company but I still feel there should have been more people... anyway as if I had an option.....

This reminds me of a day when I got into the train only to realize it was a public holiday and both Akshata and Rashida had an off. I dragged myself towards the seats and to my surprise I saw Bharti reading her book. I was overjoyed to see her. For some time, we sulked about working in the media industry (famous for not having any national holidays), until Bharti came up with a brilliant idea. We teamed up and called both Rashida and Akshi (we just had their numbers) and woke them up.... our first victim was Akshata, first few calls went unanswered.... but Bharti was adamant so she kept on trying until Aki took her call. We told Aki that we just wanted to say hi and see if she was fine. Akshata like a good girl told us she would freshen up and call us (we really dint believe her). But to our surprise she actually woke up and called me.... only to hear "We just wanted to wake you up and now we are in no mood to talk to you" poor Akshata was fuming (I still have her message filled with swears).

Our next victim was Rashida; she too took a long time to answer our calls.... Apparently, her phone was in her living room and her dad woke her saying "Someone is desperately trying to call you, seems important..." he he he poor Rashida woke up just to know what mischief we were up to...

However, of late on Saturdays (when i am alone) I just stand at the door and enjoy the breeze pass by.... even I have a whole seat to myself or even the window seat.... I have made this as my ME time.... I guess it’s important for us to have some private time all by yourself and just do nothing.... I don’t sulk anymore nor do I complain about traveling (read working) on a Saturday.... In fact I even enjoy it ....

My train journey was never so interesting

I started traveling in trains after my dad met with an accident and I took the onus of the shop on me. That’s when I first stepped into the 8.25 Panvel to Andheri local from Chembur. The first few days were really bad as I hardly could manage to rest my toes on the door of the train. But as and when time passed by I learned the art of pushing people and make my way in towards the seats. However, I still could not manage to grab a seat until I made friends; I call them by train friends. This post is not just about my experiences in the train but also about the people I met.

I first met Sonali, let me introduce you, Sonali; a quite Chembur girl working in a bank but trust me she is not like one of those boring bank executives we find behind the cash counters who don’t even look into our eyes and can count only money. Sonali is a good MBA student and worked in the corporate office of a multinational bank, I guess she is in the knowledge processing unite. Anyways I first met Sonali and the only thing common between us (apart form boarding from the same station) was that we both barely could manage to get into the compartment. Soon we started talking and became friends. We were so engrossed in our talks that we hardly looked around us and within no time would reach Andheri. To be honest our giggles were so loud that people around us were amused.

Then one day Sonali missed the train and I was alone, much to my surprise I saw a girl smiling at me, she introduced herself as Akshata I call her Akshi, akshu, aki etc etc…. for some reason we started talking and we struck like house on fire (blame it on our guju connection). However I think the main reason for this were our professions. Akshi was an IT geek while I am a journo, she was totally amused by the way I spoke and the stories I had to share. Let me tell you a few things about her first, this girl, was a quite timid kid just out of college and on her way to her first job. Being a hosteller for long she had few friends in Mumbai and was not as out spoken us ME. Nevertheless the girl has mastered the art of traveling in a train and also chatting loudly just like me….

So now we were three, since Akshata got in first (from Mankhud) she stuck to the extreme corner of the train and every time we got in from Chembur I waved out to her as if we were long lost friends. People in the compartment were so use to me screaming out Hi to Akshata that they automatically made way for me to go to the other end of the train. Eventually days passed and by that time we three were predominantly the only ones chit-chatting and giggling in the whole compartment. So much so that people even in the other compartments especially the general fist class compartment close to the door started giving us bad stares.

As time passed by I made new friends (through Sonali) one of which is Sabiha, a cute B-school girl. Since she is a student she kept us busy with some career talks but I was not really interested and always looked for a chance to change the topic. Sabiha is an on and off visitor in the train and keeps in touch through messages. In fact it was she who made us realize that we haven’t even exchanged mobile numbers in the past two/three months that we had known each other. Funny but true there are still so many people in the compartment I don’t know by name but can have long conversations with, without any prejudice!

Soon Sonali opted for the free car ride offered by her uncle as against to the pushing and pulling of the train (I miss her, especially the analysis she made for everything and anything). Then it was just Akshata and me left, for some time we stuck to the door and dint bother to get involved with people around us. That’s the time Bharti came in, we often saw her reacting to our stupid comments and soon within no time we all were engrossed into a long conversation. I had seen Bharti sometimes on my way back home in the night after I shut my shop at 9 and so I knew she was a regular train traveler.

Let me introduce Bharti now, she is a media professional (television industry) and has been in the business since a long time. Bharti initially was always engrossed in her books however she would often throw a sixer in between and we would all burst out laughing. Nevertheless now I have managed to force Bharti dump her boring books and talk more in the train. She is also part of a trekking group, they do weekend treks and adventure sports camps and we all envy her for that. She has an astonishing sense of humor, she often is flabbergasted by her own sense of humor and keeps smiling to her self and Akshata like a curious mouse keeps nagging her to talk her mind aloud. Along with Bharti I made friends with quite a few people in the compartment; Rashida was one of them.

I was introduced to Rashida again my Sonali but had spoken to her only once. After Sonali took the car Rashida once asked me about her and that’s how we started talking. Rashida was again from an IT background but unlike other IT geeks she was surprisingly a chatter box and had a good sense of humor too. Rashida later introduced me to Neha, a HR consultant Maru girl. To be honest after seeing her sindur and mangalsutra I thought she would be like one of those bhabi’s but I was wrong. Once I was standing near the door and Neha was at her station platform (tilak nagar) and I leaned out of the train and shouted, “Come on Simran” just like Shah Rukh Khan did in DDLJ. Neha was shocked to see this and was stumped for a moment while others burst out laughing. However, now Neha too has opted to other means of transport (we miss her too).

A few days back I was going back from work early in the evening when I saw a familiar face in the train. Since I was talking on phone I dint pay much attention to her but as soon as I finished my talk I saw Dharshna approach me. The first thing she asked me was “Where do you get so much of energy from? I have always seen you chatting and giggling in the train! You really cheer everyone in the morning with your comments and giggles.” I dint know what to say and just said “This is the way I am” I am sure I looked like an idiot that time. Darshna is married and stays with her parents-in-law while her husband is in the U.S. She is a strong follower of a babaji in lokandwala and goes to him to pray everyday for her well being. She has immense faith in this man and calls him dada. To be honest it was she who tough me to believe in prayers and have faith in god.

Now let me tell you about other people in the train, I don’t really talk to them much but they are worth a mention. First let me start with Hemangi we call her sleeping beauty, that’s because we have always seen her sleeping in the train in all the three months that she was there I have spoken to her just twice and once just a few monosyllables. She sat on the long seat right in the center and slept with her mouth open. To be honest we were all green with envy as she everyday would occupy the prime seat in the compartment and sleep to glory and would only wake a few minutes before the train stopped at Vile Parle the station where she got down. But I must say she had an amazing sense of dressing, she would wear stylish clothes and chunky fashion jewelry and carry a huge branded bag. I later learned that she works for Westside (I am sure she worked in their fashion designing section). I always wondered what she carried in that huge bag. Some times Akshu, Bharti and I would play a guessing game on what all she would be carrying in her big bag…. Until once luckily she woke up early and I promptly asked her what she carried in her bag … any guesses …. ? Well no she dint carry food or make up (as jointly guessed by Akshata and me) but had her gym clothes and shoes in that bag.

Once I was fortunate to get a seat and happen to sit next to Hemangi and like always was talking about some thing to Akshata. Our sleeping beauty just woke up and instructed (actually annoyingly) me to talk softly as she was getting disturbed. Since then I always avoided sitting or standing near her as I genuinely dint want to disturb her. Then after a few days again I happen to sit next to her and she woke up early. I thought I had infuriated her again and immediately apologized and to our surprise she said, “I can see you talking even in my dreams” since then everyone teases me that I haunt them even in their dreams.

Another lady to worth a mention is Aditi, we call her sexy aunty…. (No offense) she dresses really well and boards the train with Aki. According to her Aditi is her mom’s secret spy (only because they stay in the same colony and Aditi happens to know her mother.) Aditi works in BJN group and once she offered me a discount at Firangi Panni one of the restaurants owned by her company. I was overjoyed and jumped to the opportunity, I asked her to book me for one of the restaurants and she suggested Nawab Gunj Safari in Chembur. Both Akshata and Bharti teased me a lot that day for going on a date with Rahul and not inviting them (I guess they were just J about the fact that Aditi offered me a discount and not them he he he he).

As I talk about Aditi I must mention about Charusheela (for some reason i thought her name is Harshada) she is again a HR consultant. We often met in the evening on our way home. Mostly Akshu and I would try to go home together. We also met Aditi and Charusheela on our way back in the same train. I must tell you this, one evening Akshata was not there and I was with Sonali (we met in the evening train some times) sitting on the other side when I saw Charusheela giving a Peda to Aditi, instantly (almost like a greedy pig) I asked her to share the good news with me too (obviously I was more interested in the Peda than the news). Charu smiled and gave me one and told me it was Siddhivinayak Prasad I popped in the peda as soon as I got it and dint even bother to offer it to Sonali or even say thanks to Charusheela.

One more character I would like to mention here is Mohini (its not her real name) she is an elderly woman and since we don’t know her name we call her Mohini (again no offense) actually Rashida gave her this name as we think she dresses ten years younger than her age. But honestly I love her for that, if we put it in Rashida’s words she looks sexy in anything that she wears. We really adore her for the attitude she carries. Seriously, it takes real gusts to dress in a sleeveless top, Jeans and sports shoes at that age. She is often accompanies by a young girl (I don’t know her name) I guess she is recently married. This young lady is famous for her (extremely) low waist jeans and (short) sporty brandied T-shirts.

We often look forward to her as it gives us another reason to gossip.. ha ha ha …The once gloomy train has turned into one hilarious ride we all enjoy…. I love to travel in this train now … its become my space … we talk about so many random things….. this one hour our is really hilarious and we all look forward to it …. Thanks girls you all make my life so colorful and bright and the best part is there is no one to stop me or tell me anything. ….

A Special World

A special world for you and me.

A special bond one cannot see.

It wraps us up in its cocoon.

And holds us fiercely in its womb.
Its fingers spread like fine spun gold.

Gently nestling us to the fold.

Like silken thread it holds us fast.

Bonds like this are meant to last.
And though at times a thread may break.

A new one forms in its wake.

To bind us closer and keep us strong.

In a special world, where we belong.

We are all liberal here …..

I am engaged to a so-called ‘liberal’. He is a really nice guy, but that’s about it. While he is in no doubt head over heels devoted to me, at times it makes me feel completely smothered. I want to go out and do things. I want to be somebody. He just wants ‘me to be with him’. He showers me with love, and my love life seems like a flawless masterpiece that dropped jaws. Anyway, I am a journalist with a top media house, and it’s my job to be in the business community, glad handing with people in after hours functions. I could not get enough of it. I am new to the community, and I am invited to everything under the sun. I am given community titles, and responsibilities. He too has a fairly decent job (a boring recruitment agency) but fails to understand the way media works.

Since the beginning, I have sensed a string of discomfort when we spoke about my job and other media personals. The threads strained further when I had to go to Delhi (my head office) to meet my team and have a close interaction with my editor. I saw it as a good opportunity to not just interact with my team but also a good time to have a break from work and meet clients in Delhi. I expressed these thoughts to him but he some how did not seem to be convinced with the whole idea of me going out of the city (alone). We had endless arguments for almost a week before is left and I, also tried to cancel my trip. However, it was too late and I could not back out.

Then the next instance happened a few days back. When I had to attend an official even and also cover it for the coming issue. I had asked him to join me but he was not interested and turned down my invitation. In the beginning all sounded good, but as the night set its first foot towards midnight my phone was set to fire with frantic calls from him. We had along SMS conversations, which were not too pleasant to share but evident on my face. My whole team realized that I was feeling embarrassed and something unpleasant had happened.

After this incident, I do not know how to react. The so-called liberal thinking has vanished in thin air and all I can see is a person who just claims to be one. I sometimes wonder is he the same person I shared a drink with or bumped a few fags from? Well that’s a different story that I don’t do the same now (although I wish I could) but never mind as I know it’s for my good if I don’t indulge in such bad habits. However, the point here is the level of compatibility and openness I miss that.

He is my only friend and I talk my heart out but off late these incidents remind me of the invisible wall between us and I prefer to keep my mouth shut. I have always been an outspoken person, at times I have spoken things that might not be pleasant but true. However, now I feel I must not do it, be it anyone, I must keep my feelings to myself. As the liberal society I live in does not accept it. They think I am an alien from Mars and live in a different world (I wish I were…) and so does he.

Well I think it’s just the beginning and probably the first side effect of getting married. There’s a lot to come my way and I hope I successfully transform myself into a super – tolerant women like most women are in this liberal society I live in.

Chortle

Life in a Mumbai is so much like living in a river. Its constantly keeps flowing, at times it slow, at times it gushes down the stream, its deep for some while the new entrants find it too shallow to swim. No matter what happens it constantly keeps moving and waits for none, but it is amazing to see how it manages to accommodate everyone in spite of the space crunches we keep complaining about. Trying to survive in this river small fishes like me, barley manage to make a living. The only thing that keeps me going here is the sense of humor people have in this city. They crib they cry they complain but at the end of the day they all chortle with glee.

love .....

Last night before I went to bed,

Thoughts of you filled my head,

I have not cried this way in many of years,

Onto my pillow fell six silent tears.


The first was for your smile that I miss,

And your tender lips I long to kiss,

The second was for your gentle face,

And thoughts of your loving embrace.


The third came as no surprise,

As I thought of your beautiful eyes,

The fourth came rolling down my face,

Instead of my pillow, it should be you in it’s place.


The fifth came for one reason alone,

I felt my love for you wasn’t fully shown,

I really love and miss you my dear,

And there just fell ….. the sixth silent tear…..

*********

Appellation

I feel honored by yet undeserving of the appellation "feminist." I am a sanguine, a cabinetmaker of texts and occasionally, I hope a witness to our times. I write for revenge against reality but unfortunately, it hardly makes a difference. Lately I received a remark on my blog and this ‘tag’ was assigned to me in one of the comments. I don’t know him but still he seems to know me; so well, that he has already given me this title.
The article posted on the blog was based on a true story I witnessed during my visits to ‘Kamatipura’ – a city in itself, a place where every man has visited of wishes to go in his lifetime. My visits were short but it taught me how cruel life can be. For life is a bitch cause if it would have been a slut it would be easier. I have nothing against men but the mere idea of sleeping with him just for a penny to feed another man sitting at home disgusts me. I feel pitiful for those women who cannot stand up for their rights and self respect. I do not think these women out there have no strength to say NO, but do they have any choice? Many have grown there, the ceilings of those barrows are their limits, and this can’t think of life beyond them.
My stands on this issue may sound feminist but its true that we are still living in a male dominated society and these pictures that we see in places like “kamatipura’ just portrays it in a better way.